How does the Emotional Intelligence Model fit with NLP?

“The art of negotiation is to get others to do what you want because they want to.” In order to increase your influence in the workplace you need to identify the motivations and aspirations of others and manage your own emotions and behaviours in a way that gets them to support your goals.

Emotional intelligence is the ability of an individual to understand her/ his own emotions, to be able to recognise the emotions of others, and to appreciate the impact those emotions have on what is happening around them.

NLP provides practitioners with a suite of knowledge, skills, and techniques that enable them to be better able to understand and influence their own, and others, emotions and behaviours.

Using these skills of self-awareness, self-control, and awareness of others, within an emotional intelligence model can assist NLP practitioners to improve performance through enhancing relationships in context.

The RTP Emotional Intelligence Model provides a conceptual framework within which we, as NLP practitioners, can enhance both our performance and our influence within the workplace. The Model has four domains to support inter-personal development;

  1. managing self,

  2. engaging others,

  3. building relationships, and

  4. working in context.

Through applying NLP skills within this conceptual framework practitioners are able to enhance their own performance and bring about better relationships - influencing others to achieve positive outcomes.

The Model facilitates the transference of our NLP skills (such as rapport, state calibration, and influence) out of the coaching environment and into the workplace. The Model provides a structure to allow us to apply the powerful tools of influence that NLP provides within a multitude of settings.

So how does it work in practice?

Most of us enter meetings and negotiations with a clear view of what we want to achieve; our goals are mapped out and we take every opportunity to present our case. This is often a single sided perspective – ours. Important as this is, our negotiations are more likely to be successful if we also consider the other persons perspective. The Emotional Intelligence Model offers a framework to create a more rounded engagement. By becoming more aware of our own emotions during these discussions, and by controlling which of those emotions we allow to show, we can portray the image we wish to be perceived (rather than how we really feel). Developing a greater understanding of the other persons’ goals we can facilitate a more strategic approach; addressing their needs before we bring them around to convince them of our perspective. By developing a continual feedback loop during the discussion we can apply our NLP skills within the Emotional Intelligence Model to better understand the dynamic between ourselves and the other person. This allows us to present our argument in a way that is most likely to have the greatest impact with others.

Conflict and challenge are a natural part of any workplace, whether arguing for the success of a business case, giving negative feedback to a colleague, or defending slippage in a project time-line. For the majority of us, conflict or challenge in the workplace can be emotionally demanding, resulting in heated discussions or feelings of personal attack. Often at such times people revert to a mind-set of ‘win-loose’/ ‘them and us’. The Emotional Intelligence Model provides a framework which allows us to create a much more controlled environment; an environment that is free from blame and reprisal, one in which positive negotiated solutions can be achieved. Considering the context within which the discussions are taking place allows us to see the bigger, for both parties, which is affecting the situation and perhaps contributing to the conflict.

For NLP practitioners, the Emotional Intelligence Model offers a way of transferring powerful NLP skill-set beyond the coaching environment and into the workplace.

If you're curious to know more about how the emotional intelligence model works with NLP, join Peter Rolland's session at the NLP International Conference on Saturday 18th May 2019.